IN TO THE LIGHT

Days went by. It is almost a year and half to our relationship. When I recall all the moments, all the incidents, all that time we spent together and all that happened nothing seems worth.  What I see is only suffering, what I see is deceive, what I see is all broken trust and broken promises.  Things that happened made me think, it made me realize life is not all about loving someone or being loved. Loving is not always having or being with the one who you love.  Life has more to it.  It made me realize sometimes we have to let go of the things we want and we love for the good of others.  It made me realize few moments of happiness are not everything. It made me realize, love has to be from both side. It made me realize, love is a gentle feeling which liberates all our fears, and all our insecurities. Not something which add fuel to it or make things worse.

What I experienced only made things worse. My fears, my insecurities, my beliefs and my faith towards love and life all were shattered.  What I dreamed to have with him went in drain. I had to move on. I had to think deeply on my wants and my need in the long run. My brain worked well for me. Alhamdullillaahi. It raised questions on what was happening in my life. Questions like, are you willing to go through the same thing once again? Do u really think that you can survive such pain in the long run? Do you wish to be truly happy or just waiting for him to give you bits of happiness whenever he feels like? Which made me look at all the signs. It kept on telling me not to close my eyes and not to think from the heart. An inner voice kept on telling me this time to use my brain. Which made me look for solutions and I was brought back into the light.

Well, this is not a tale. This is my life.  All that happened will stay with me. It will inspire me to avoid such incidents. Though there is so much pain right now. I know for sure that this day shall pass like any other days. Right now it is so hard to go on. So hard on me just to think about what has happened. I do believe everything happens for a reason. That reason only Allah knows. But for sure has some good and  this shall pass soon. I know what I want now.  I know that there is no one who can help other than Almighty Allah. It is going to be only my efforts which will lead me to forever lasting peace and happiness.  Now and in the hereafter. 

I don’t have anyone to blame for what happened. My only advice for my special someone is for him to know that what goes around might come around.  My wish and my prayers for him will remain the same.  May you be blessed with happiness and everlasting love. May He pour upon you his guidance and knowledge so that you live a life among the righteous.

I start anew with new hopes and new dreams.  I start anew with an aim and a belief in my heart to walk the path. Knowing that I am not alone. Knowing that Allah is always with me to guide me.